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Jury Duty for Johnathan - Right (2005)
2006 Story Set
Date: June 16, 2006, October 2019 edit
Want to hear something really stupid???
The silly people in Alameda County just sent a JURY SUMMONS to
JOHNATHAN -- my dead son...
There are no printable words------
These are the same incompetents who received so many letters from
Stanford and Lucille-Packard hospitals that the doctors were tired of writing
them! They constantly tried to get the sole care-giver removed from a critical
patient. And when that did not work, they tried to get him! Even off his
deathbed! Fools all.
I "officially" moved to San Diego in November, 2005, several months after
he died. I work contract for a high-tech firm (since April 2006) but even on
salary, my residence is still San Diego, where my clothing, furniture, one car
(soon two if I can find the beetle) and most of my computers are. I live out of
suitcases up here in a house I am trying to sell. After that I will rent. As long as
that is required. My heart and the urn holding Johnathan's ashes remain at home
in San Diego, Scripps Ranch.
I dutifully filed a change of address with the AAA (auto club) auto counter
and carry an address card for my driver's license.
However, when I did get DMV renewals, I saw that they have NOT
processed the address change.
I have, after changing everything to San Diego, had to have mail sent back
up here.[Fremont] I was getting too much a week (junk) and it overflowed the mailbox.
I also stopped driving back and forth weekly. I am thinking of flying back
and forth. With pets. Maybe not.
So my mail temporarily comes back to Fremont. Only until the house sells.
Gave them false hope I guess.
They promptly summoned me for jury duty for June 5th.
I grabbed my utility bill for San Diego and waited. Turns out, I was excused
without being called.
So I can file my change of address (again), register to vote in San Diego and
get rid of the Alameda pests. I have sworn that I will never serve on a jury in a county
that was so callus as to summon my dying child.
(Yes, between the two different leukemias, when he was stable and I was
unemployed, I actually showed up one day for jury duty, we were sent home,
and lo and behold, I got summoned 6 months later. I took great joy telling them
that I had 18 months free and to go do something unpleasant with their
summons. Well, I was more polite than that. Just. Barely.)
I came home Thursday, June 15th, just two weeks after my summons, tired
(must be the heat), and found another jury notice. I fumed. Idiots! I have 12
months! Free of you! At least! I didn't check the mail in detail because the
mailman had stuffed a QVC delivery into the small mailbox and it took me
three minutes to wrestle it out.
When I got inside, there it was. Not my name. Johnathan's name, clear as glass.
I was furious. It's bad enough they tried to recruit him for the Army (after his
death). It's bad enough that I get flyers from Big & Tall (where I took him
shopping, and he told the clerk he was my Barbie doll). It's bad enough he died
February 25, 2005.
So I contacted members of my family. By e-mail. Vent!
One of my sisters answered:
---Tell them that he needs a wheelchair-accessible court to serve in as he was
cremated and they would need to give him special accommodations.
---Write something up so ghoulish that they will cringe with regret and sorrow
and go get sick over lunch.
It helps stop tears.
What a great idea!
So I started collecting my thoughts.
When shall I bring him up from San Diego? He's sitting on the piano in
the living room down there.
Do you have a proper display area for the urn?
What time shall I drop him off?
How will the urn get through the metal detector?
What time shall I pick him up?
Can he be jury foreman?
He'll have to be polished and dust free at all times - no fingerprints. I'll
provide a polishing cloth.
Do you have proper handicap facilities for a dead man?
Holy moly - this could be hilarious.
The kind of thing John would have laughed himself sick over.
My family contributed a few more. (We are a macabre group)
He never has to take potty breaks as he already is a pot.
He does not require Perrier water at breaks as water would just muddy up
his thought process.
He won't need a parking space or lunch breaks.
However, he may seem non-reactive to testimony - - -
And tell them that he "urned" the right to be the jury foreman!
Johnathan is LAUGHING!!!!!! I swear I can hear him!!!!
(Remember all the fire jokes I got when I set my kitchen on fire?)
Giggle giggle giggle.
Oh yes ---
We can provide an affidavit that he is not carrying a concealed weapon of
A concealed weapons search is forbidden.
By law - the urn cannot be opened.
The urn contents are not explosive.
I, however, probably am.
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